So many things go through my mind.
I think non stop of what I need to do to improve in so many aspects of my life (personally).
This will all sound negative and as if I’m feeling sorry for myself… but please bear with me and read on…
So back to the millions of thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis…
Things such as: enjoy life, be motivated, don’t give up on things, get healthy, get fit, be more present, action stuff that I always leave for tomorrow, etc, etc, etc.
How the hell do I start?
When do I start?
I am so good at giving advice but I am such a hypocrite because at times it is sooo hard for me to do what I advise. It makes me feel a failure.
Maybe I’m just a dreamer with no guts to get up and do. But I sooo wish to do!!!!!
And yes, I know to take baby steps, but at times they seem so insignificant that I see no improvement in whatever it may be that I’m taking them for, so I go back to square 1.
Look, I’m not putting my arms down, this is not what the Post is about. This Post is about the reality of my days.
Guys, this is such a hard battle, and yes it can be fought and won, but hey, we are allowed our frustrations along the way!!!!!
I get tired… I get overwhelmed, I get claustrophobic…
This is the reality of a person battling this ‘Tenant’. The ups and downs, the doubts, the inspirations, the doubts again.
I am overwhelmed because I read so much, I ‘study’ so much. And the more I read, the more I learn. But at this precise moment what I learn is that I have to do so much to change! Just the thought of it all exhausts me!!!!!
But im not giving up. I may slow down, but not give up!
Sometimes I think, all I need is a clear slate. Actually, TIME TO CLEAR MY SLATE, and then start again! I can’t seem to organise myself to find that time! Aaaggghhhhh!!!!! Hehehe can you read my frustration???;)
Early this morning, in the quiet of the morning I was thinking, as I do every morning, ‘when are you going to get started Maria?’ And the answer that came to me nice and clear is that there is never a ‘good’ time… and it doesn’t depend on anyone else but me, as I mentioned in previous posts…. Bloody hell though, its a heavy weight on our shoulders isn’t it?
But I continue to choose to believe that we can do it!
So the next question to myself would be, ‘ok, so I start now…. but WHAT from the millions of thoughts do I start with???!!!!
I believe this is what many of us feel day in day out, even though we may appear differently or may put on a smile, or continue to push….
The ‘Tenant’ is always there, we just need to accept it and deal with it, right? We need to manage it and although we get frustrated, we need to keep reminding ourselves that the battle is worth fighting!
At times we may wonder what makes it worth fighting for, but let that ‘wondering thought’ wander off and again you will see and realise why it is so worthwhile!
Look at yourself in the mirror, bags under your eyes and all, and see you are standing right there, hopefully with some knowledge and awareness that so many of us go through the same, and understand, and are going through this with you.
We are not alone in this!
Today I could really do with help and ideas from you my friends! (I did say this Blog would be a shared journey;))
So what are your thoughts guys?
How do I manage all these dizzying thoughts???
How do I stop and start again?????
How do I get off my bum and start making meaningful changes????
How do I learn to have for my own self, the same love, respect and pride I have for others???
So the Big Million Dollar question: