Update on Sunny outside but cloudy inside…
My day did get better…
Firstly, it helped to ‘vomit’ my feelings onto the post…😏
Secondly, it helped to acknowledge I wasn’t feeling my best and didn’t sweep it under the carpet
Thirdly, I took time out to clear my thoughts
Im going to stop counting with ‘ly’ at the end of each number because I don’t think I have ever heard ‘ninethly’ being said, not sure it even exists as a word? So will just continue with the number! Hehehe
4- I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling
5- I relieved some of the pain by sharing how I felt
6-I ‘listened’ to the immediate support messages I received from you guys
By truly listening I felt I wasn’t alone in this!
I was and am humbled by the reactions of my readers who themselves are sometimes doing it tough! The reactions of support, love, help, but most of all of ‘we feel the same as you sometimes, so lets fight this together!’
I was humbled to see how some of you opened up and shared you also have these hard days.
Some even surprised me as I may not have ever expected you to feel like this!
That surprise comes because this ‘tenant’ is soooo silent and sooo invisible and hides sooo very well behind a huge and beautiful smile while inside it’s breaking your heart!
I was humbled to read more of you are finding that me sharing all these stories and moments of my journey help and inspire you to seek help!
And that, my dear readers, is what made me stop and really see my day for what it was: a bad day where I hurt but a bad day that I dealt with by being open and honest about it. A bad day that seemed to mean loneliness and complete darkness for me but which turned into not such a bad day once I stopped fighting it and let it be what it was, just a bad day.
I said my piece which was to apologise to my loved ones for having this day and affecting theirs, but not letting that knowledge mean it to be the end of the world.
At the end of the day I still heard the words I love to hear every single night, ‘good night, love you Mum’ and I realised how twisted my ‘view’ on things sometimes is…
Of course my family loves me, in the good and the bad! Of course the guilt is there, but as long as I explain and give a heads up they understand and will not judge and will try not to be upset by it, they will understand it is just a bad day and will take it as just that, giving me then the space to reign my thoughts back in and clear my head to start again!
So, to my children and husband thank you for being there, thank you for sticking by me, thank you for being you!
To you, my friends, thank you for the support, thank you for also being there. Thank you for having joined me in this journey. Thank you for continuing to travel it with me and sharing your thoughts and feelings! Thank you for allowing me to ‘help’ in any way that may be. Thank you!
We are beating this Tenant! Let’s continue to stick together! The ‘power is in the masses’, right? So let’s continue to help each other through the bad days and let’s continue to celebrate each other’s steps towards a battle won!!!!!:)