Not as cloudy inside


Update on Sunny outside but cloudy inside…

My day did get better…

Firstly, it helped to ‘vomit’ my feelings onto the post…😏

Secondly, it helped to acknowledge I wasn’t feeling my best and didn’t sweep it under the carpet

Thirdly, I took time out to clear my thoughts

Im going to stop counting with ‘ly’ at the end of each number because I don’t think I have ever heard ‘ninethly’ being said, not sure it even exists as a word? So will just continue with the number! Hehehe

4- I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling
5- I relieved some of the pain by sharing how I felt

6-I ‘listened’ to the immediate support messages I received from you guys

By truly listening I felt I wasn’t alone in this! 

I was and am humbled by the reactions of my readers who themselves are sometimes doing it tough! The reactions of support, love, help, but most of all of ‘we feel the same as you sometimes, so lets fight this together!’

I was humbled to see how some of you opened up and shared you also have these hard days.

Some even surprised me as I may not have ever expected you to feel like this! 

That surprise comes because this ‘tenant’ is soooo silent and sooo invisible and hides sooo very well behind a huge and beautiful smile while inside it’s breaking your heart!

I was humbled to read more of you are finding that me sharing all these stories and moments of my journey help and inspire you to seek help!
And that, my dear readers, is what made me stop and really see my day for what it was: a bad day where I hurt but a bad day that I dealt with by being open and honest about it. A bad day that seemed to mean loneliness and complete darkness for me but which turned into not such a bad day once I stopped fighting it and let it be what it was, just a bad day.

I said my piece which was to apologise to my loved ones for having this day and affecting theirs, but not letting that knowledge mean it to be the end of the world.

At the end of the day I still heard the words I love to hear every single night, ‘good night, love you Mum’ and I realised how twisted my ‘view’ on things sometimes is…

Of course my family loves me, in the good and the bad! Of course the guilt is there, but as long as I explain and give a heads up they understand and will not judge and will try not to be upset by it, they will understand it is just a bad day and will take it as just that, giving me then the space to reign my thoughts back in and clear my head to start again!

So, to my children and husband thank you for being there, thank you for sticking by me, thank you for being you!

To you, my friends, thank you for the support, thank you for also being there. Thank you for having joined me in this journey. Thank you for continuing to travel it with me and sharing your thoughts and feelings! Thank you for allowing me to ‘help’ in any way that may be. Thank you!

We are beating this Tenant! Let’s continue to stick together! The ‘power is in the masses’, right? So let’s continue to help each other through the bad days and let’s continue to celebrate each other’s steps towards a battle won!!!!!:) 

xx

11 comments

    One thing I absolutely love about blogging is that it's an online community. I love how much support you felt and how much inspiration you give to others. Sharing your experience is such a vulnerable thing to do but it's by doing so that others are able to realize they aren't alone. It gives you support and gives them courage. Wishing you all that you need to support you on your journey <3 <3

    Niki Meadows | 2 months ago Reply

    Sorry that I got here a bit late... having a bad week myself... but well done to express your feelings as they come, and I'm sure that helped a lot in feeling a bit better!! Love you Euge and let me tell you something. You can bit this bloody bastard. But you need to want it. It needs to be your top priority mission!!! Everyday when you wake up, you're a step closer to beating your tenant. You don't accept him, you don't welcome him and you fight against him. Everyday. If you accept things as they are, then it will take over you. That is what worked for me!!! Never ever accept that you don't deserve a better life, you deserve to be happy as everyone else. Retroceder nunca, rendirse jamas! Xxx

    candombera | 2 months ago Reply

      Gracias Lau!!!!! And what's been happening with you? Has your week improved a bit? Love you too my friend! And always here for you! En las buenas y en las malas! ❤️

      Maria | 2 months ago Reply

    You are an inspiration sharing all your thoughts, fears, the meh days the good days for all to read. I can relate to so much of what you say. It's sometimes so overwhelming trying to be everything for everyone. All you need to be is true to you. Your family loves you, how could they not, you have a warmth that radiates from you. I felt it the first time we met. This life tests us in ways we never expected and you never know how you'll deal with it. I'm glad this is blog is giving you the opportunity to fight, heal and live. Xxx

    Jodie Stromski | 2 months ago Reply

      Oh Jodie!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! It's true, life tests us all! And yes, we need to stay true to ourselves! Thank you for your beautiful words! Lots and lots of love your way!!! Xxx

      Maria | 2 months ago Reply

    MARIA, ACABO DE LEER TUS DOS ULTIMOS MENSAJES. Y ME SIENTO MAL DE QUE HAYAS TENIDO QUE PASAR POR ESA EXPERIENCIA NUEVAMENTE, TE ENTIENDO, PERO POR FAVOR, REPITO,FAVOR NO TRATES DE VENCER A TU TENANT, TENES QUE APRENDER A VIVIR CON EL LAMENTABLEMENTE, SOLO EL VA A DECIDIR CUANDO DESAPARECER, YA LO SE QUE ES CRUEL DECIR ESTO PERO ASI COMO LLEGO A TU VIDA UN DIA, UN DIA VA A DESAPARECER, MIENTRAS TANTO ESFORZATE EN CONVIVIR CON EL,NO COMBATIRLO. ES UN CAMINO MUY DIFICIL DE TRANSITAR PERO OH!! SE PUEDE TRANSITAR, MIRA PARA ATRAS Y FIJATE TODO LO QUE HAS TRANSITADO, Y DE NUEVO, LO QUE DIJE ANTES, ERES "A FIGHTER" Y UNO DE LAS MEJORES SI NO LA MEJOR. CUANDO ME NECESITE ESTOY AHI. JC.

    juan | 2 months ago Reply

      Gracias!!!!!!!!! Y si, tenes razon, debo aprender a convivir y no dejar que me pase por arriba!!! En eso estoy! :) xxx

      Maria | 2 months ago Reply

    🌺❤️💖

    Virginia | 2 months ago Reply

    We ALWAYS love you and we alway will ❤️️

    Anonymous | 2 months ago Reply

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